why do we even try?

so the wife and i went to one of those timeshare explanation/sales pitch meetings. you know, so we could get the free gift. i am sure most people have probably made this trek at least once. so there we sat. saying "no" over a thousand times. we started nice and moved into defensive, to finally end in "really pissed!"

eventually they let us leave "with our 'free' gift" after 4 hours. yeah that is right, 4 hours. but hey we have a weekend Las Vegas for almost FREE!

that was our hope for spring break. the poor college kids were going to splurge and watch a show in Vegas. while staying in a free condo. except... we can't actually use it at anytime we want. moreover, it can only be used during certain dates. on top of that, the dates that can be used are not on any weekends... so it isn't really a free "weekend." it is a "free 2 night stay on dates that you will never be able to go." worst waste of time ever...

who are these people?

i keep getting spam email. i assume that most people do. however, i have a slight case of OCD that requires me to read the title of every single email sent to me, regardless of which folder it is in. this means that i have met (somehow) over 40+ Russian girls that are bored in a coffee shop and "found" my email. and somehow i am such a masculine figure in their imaginings that they want to know if i am up for some (i assume once again) casual sex. i have lost count how many people are looking to help me out by increasing the size of my unit. this seems counter intuitive because of all the russian girls that want me. but incase i am not wanting in these two departments, i have many phone and internet job offers ($5000 a week! how can i resist?!?)

all of these i think are rather standard, but i got one today that just made me stop and wonder "who are these people? and why do they think someone would want this?"

it was an offer for a free "hands on" sex lesson from a real life Porn star. my mind took a few minutes to process that information... before any of you ask, no, i don't know who he/she was. (Devine could be a guy or girl i think... but what do i know?). it was marketed as a relationship help... somehow your partner, that you would be cheating on, is supposed to find this both a "turn on" and see you as willing to improve your relationship... call me crazy, but i don't see infidelity as beneficial to ones relationship.

i think the world is a stranger place than i once thought it was...

strangest dream

i truely hope that no one that reads this takes it the wrong way... but i dreamed that i ended up working in the finance department for Playboy Inc. but wait! it gets stranger. apparently Heff and i become very good friends. so good, that he actually meets my wife and kids (i had FIVE with another on the way, holy crap!) i end up being a influence so that he ends up marrying Holly and breaking up with Brittany and Kendra. and then he and Holly even get baptised into the LDS church.

Strange? Very. Possible? um... no man knows the mind or will of the Creator of all things. but, i do think it would be a huge victory! lol!

i also think that my wife needs to stop watching "the Girls Next Door" cause it is messing with my head...

733T Haxx0r

so anyone that knows me or reads this, it is fairly obvious that i am new to the whole blogging thing... and computers in general. however, i have recently learned that 733t is an actual language. AND IT IS AWESOME. so i have recently decided that i need to learn it. i will make it my second language. i will put it on my resume, i am that serious! on top of that i am going to become an ASCII artist. what do you all think about that? LMAO!!!!11

s19/\/1n9 0ff a5 teh uber L33t HAxx0r 1 wi5h i \/\/a5. 50 a11 u suxx0rz c4n l2arn 2 r34cl 7hi5

why can't they speak english?

any of you that know me, know that i am graduating from college this May. but in classic fashion for me, i have saved the crappy classes for last. that means all the managment classes.

so here i am sitting in Productions and Opperations Management and to my complete surprise i have an epiphany! every management class at the U of U is taught by someone that can't actually speak english. let me show you, these are all the mgt classes i have taken. i think you can see by looking at their names.

mgt 3440- Tariq Mughal
mgt 3620- Tariq Mughal
mgt 3660- Assay Manahaeh;fahjf;a;efha;
mgt 4260- Schael Barruch
mgt 3420- M. Hofeling
mgt 5700- Ming Piao

so why is it that we can't have someone that hasn't taken ESL? not that they are not intelligent, far from. they may arguably be the brightest people i have ever met... they just can't communicate well as a teacher. so why keep hiring them?

down the hill... from san fran

so here i am in the worst place on earth... a starbucks... in Oakland California. there may be some people that think i am being unfair. but i am here cause i am afraid that my laptop will be forcefully taken from me if i leave this little coffee shop. the men across the street look very unsavory, to say the least... how did i, a white kid from Utah end up here in Oakland? hehe... the pursuit of acadamia.

you see, i am here because i had to travel for a family "party" for my wife's family here in Napa Valley, where we (non-drinking mormons) joined the extended family to tour the winery covered valley and watch them partake of the many vintages. but little ol' me? i have to do business law homework. and i am very studious so i brought my laptop and planned on doing this at night while i am at the inlaws... until i found that they have no internet contection of any kind.... WTF?!? what century do we live in here? who the hell doesn't even have a freaking Dial-up? how do they even live? how do they shop? and most importantly... where the hell do i do my homework?

"the local starbucks has free Wi-fi, you can use that."

"is that so? where is that?"

"just down the hill"

and wouldn't you know what they mean by down the hill? F'ing Oakland. a place where a white kid does NOT belong.... now i wait for my impending doom. if you don't hear from me in a couple days... mourn my loss and forget about retrieving my body, it is far too dangerous.

once more into the breach dear friends!

i can't help myself

i want you and no body else... (other than kelly, my beautiful and amazing wife) i want my own personal jezebel. oh she is so sexy, such clean lines, such celestial styling, the dulcet tones that come from your throat... these things make me feel something unexpressable in the lower abdomen. (wink, wink) if i were as talented with words as some of my friends and collegues then i would write a poem to my 2nd most endearing desire. instead i am left sitting, waiting, wishing....

soon my dear, soon...

and then there was light....

so for those readers that have been wanting to me to post again i am dedicating this post to them. (of course readers means, Nate, since as far as i can tell you are the only one that reads this).

i have recently been seriously swamped between the imminent market crash, that some postulate will be the end of the entire world or the ushering in of the 2nd coming of the Messiah (depending on your religious views...) and midterms of my last semester of college, that writing a post about anything seemed to be completely beyond me. However, there is one person that actually reads these posts (up until he contacted me and asked why there are no new posts, i had been indulging in the thought this was just cheap therapy) and for that, i thank you. i will make an honest, concerted, forthright attempt to populate these pages with more posts.