Cover Letters?

I have been applying for summer internships and am getting a wee bit tired of writing cover letters. To have a really good cover letter, they all have to be custom, so you can't use the same one over and over. I almost used the below letter out of sheer frustration, but then thought better of it. Wouldn't want to burn any bridges.

Sir/Madam:

You have asked me to provide a cover letter for my application to (company name). Said letter is meant to have the applicant show how the skills and knowledge they possess could be used - usually in respect to your company. However, the irony was not lost, as I read that one of the talents/skills that are desired in this position is a desire to do things "a new way" and to have a "keen understanding of new media," etc.

A cover letter is truly just an ancient trope that should have ceased at the advent of the new millennium (if not the early nineties). In this new age of computers and "new media" all they really do is restate what can be gleaned from the attached resume by a person of average intelligence. They are rarely read by a hiring manager and are generally just extra work.

Is the purpose of having the applicant write something enable the hiring manager to see if they are able to communicate? If this is the reason, I apologize, though this could easily be accomplished - with less annoyance on both sides - by having the candidate write a short essay on a subject related to the company or industry. If this is not the reason for the letter, I must assume it is to continue an obsolete institution for no other reason than: we always have.

Best Regards,

What do you think? Would it burn bridges or scale mountains?

Who is the bad parent here?

You see that AK-47? That is what the kid at the park pointed at my son. When I told that 3-4 year-old (I assume, since he couldn't string a complete sentence together) not to point guns at people, he then pointed it at me and pulled the trigger. I was NOT amused. I told him, if he pointed it at me or my son again, I would take it from him.

His parents decided that I had no business speaking to their son and came to "discuss" my "poor behavior." I explained, that I don't think a responsible parent would allow their young* child to have such realistic replica weapons. Moreover, as a gun owner, I feel that it is irresponsible to not teach children that guns are not toys - and as such, should NEVER be pointed at another person.**

They then told me that they don't believe in guns, and that this wouldn't be a problem if people weren't allowed to own firearms...

I almost threw a fit right there. What kind of bas-ackward, moronic logic is that? You "don't believe in guns," yet you give your 3-year-old a toy gun? My tirade just getting started, they interject, "it is only an air-soft gun, it can't kill people - like your guns." I just stopped. I don't even know what to say to that. I literally gathered up my son and left.

My wife says I can't go to the park alone anymore.

* boys will be boys, and make anything into a gun after about age 6. But if you decide to furnish toy guns, make sure they aren't real looking.

** unless of course you are planning on shooting that person, in which case I hope your child has developed enough moral reasoning to make such a decision.

Some people really shouldn't procreate.

I think it should be a prerequisite for anyone that chooses to argue with a stranger, to understand the basic requirements of logic. (As an aside, it would also be of use to know the proper use of simile and metaphor).

I say this because a woman listened to a phone conversation that I had with my wife. I realize that I am on the train and so this conversation is not completely "private." So I will forgive her that she decided to start a conversation with me based on that. The topic was: "I want to get a dog."

She asked what kind of dog that I wanted. I told her a Rottweiler. Easy, right? unfortunately not. She told me that they are really stupid dogs. I responded, that wasn't my impression - after all, they use them for service dogs, guard dogs, rescue, police and military - they can't be that stupid. She says, "no, they don't use them for those things." I again, confirm that they do indeed. "no, they don't! I have never seen one!" (please remember that bold line, it will explain much of my irritation later). I can't help it, I pull up a picture on my phone of the German Military using them, to which she says, "Well they don't use them in the US." I was amazed... what ignorance is couched in a statement such as that? Is it that they don't exist in the US? Or just that anything that is done outside of US borders irrelevant?

*grrrr* my irritation is showing on my face.

She notices and somehow makes this HUGE leap... "I bet you are one of those religious nuts, aren't you? I can tell that you are annoyed, because I keep proving you wrong." I am so irate at that statement/assumption/question that I don't know which to address first. Did she anywhere "prove me wrong" and even if she had somehow done that, how would she determine if I were religious? Are all people that dislike being "proven wrong" religious? I decide to go with a bit of tact (or maybe not...).

"So, you prove religious people wrong? How so?"

"Oh! It is easy!" she practically squealed with delight. "I just ask if they have ever seen God, of course they haven't, so... they have to admit that God doesn't exist."

Wow... if only all arguments were solved so easily.

I remember why I take the train.

I often talk about the strange people/things/events that happen on my train ride into work. If you ever wondered why I take the train instead of driving, wonder no more! I decided to drive in to work today.

Here are the facts:

1. The train takes 50 minutes + 10 minutes on each side of that trip = 70 minutes
2. I left earlier than I leave to catch the train, to "beat the traffic" and still spent 120 minutes sitting in traffic, being cut off, honked at when there is roughly 5 million cars in front of me, etc.
3. It takes 1/4 of a tank of gas for a round trip.
   
4. 120 - 70 = 50 minutes of awesomeness.

I can honestly say that I fully understand how a person can develop road rage (I am not condoning that behavior) here in Southern California. If I had been driving this commute for the last few years, I am sure my mental state would be in question.

So, I don't think I will drive again.

Entitlements

I have been thinking quite a bit about the younger generation, my generation, and those old people that think so poorly of us. While this has been on my mind for a few weeks, and in no small way influenced by this post by The Big Bags, the catalyst is really a cranky old lady that said all the people that are under 30 are "rude, arrogant little S#!@s." This was said to me while I waited for my flight out of Austin on Sunday night. That statement bothered me.

Here is the thing. Yes, we have a feeling of entitlement. Yes, the generation that is even younger than mine feels even more entitled. Can this be a detriment? sure, but not always. Even the older generation feels entitled (they all feel entitled to respect that they don't always deserve, among other things). I mean, really, if we are rude it is because our parents didn't teach us better manners. I happen to know that my mother would STILL slap me if I didn't offer to help someone (anyone, of any age), or if I was rude to an older person. Probably even if I was rude to someone that was rude to me first. Most of my friends of my age are the same. So what 30-year-old pissed her off so much? Turns out, according to her, I am just like her grandson. Well, if her grandson didn't turn out the way she wanted, I would say part of that is her fault. But if her grandson really is like me, then she needs to calm down. Being sixty DOESN'T entitle you to skipping an entire airport line, just because. If you want to get through the line faster, then get a walker or a wheelchair. As long as you can perambulate on your own, then you can be an adult and wait in line like the rest of us. None of us want to wait in line, it is an airport after all.

And as a little note to these type of older people, I work really hard for what I have. I am not entitled to what I have, I have EARNED it.

What are you talking about GB?

Some one please help me. Why is this even an issue? The US census is part of the Constitution. It has been around since freaking 1790. Bachmann is a retard and I am questioning the intelligence of the people who voted her into office. She doesn't want *further* government intrusion? This is not further at all, the Patriot act was intrusive, but this is just par for the last 2 centuries or so.

To answer some of the questions that were posed:

Yes, the government needs to know how many people are in an area in order to determine not only Federal funding allocations, but also how many seats will be in the House of Representatives (they also use this data to determine the size and area of these districts).

No, they didn't include the question about legal residency because those that are not legal wont actually fill it out and return it. So I suppose this isn't the perfect time to find out how many illegal aliens are in the country.

No Glenn, don't be completely asinine, they can't use this information to take away your gun permit. The information in the census is information that you have already provided in order to legally own a firearm. This means that they already know who you are and where you live if you have a permit to own. Now... if you don't have the gun legally, that is different. But I still don't see how they could know that you have the illegal weapon from the questions in the survey, so they STILL can't use the census as a "loophole" to take away the gun.

Instead of trying to stir up trouble over something that has been done for centuries and has done little to no harm, try actually reporting the freaking news. I know that GB is an "opinion" show, can you have some logic in there somewhere? I mean, how did Glenn make the "logic leap" from "there are 3 people that live in this home" to "the government will take my gun"?

Each day I lose more faith in not only our politicians (there wasn't much to begin with) but our media are only a bunch of attention whores. They don't actually care about reporting anything worthwhile, only about what will get other brain dead people to watch. 5 minutes of thought would let you know that the census is FINE. Please for the love of all that is right in this world, fill out the census. If you choose not to, that is fine as well, so long as you have a logical reason for choosing not to. "I am lazy" works better than, "they will take my gun" or "they will know where I live."

Just a note.

I saw the psycho actually going through the trash can today and collecting something that a lady had just thrown away. It is times like this that I am legitimately concerned for the safety of people in Southern California. I mean, this guy is still allowed to take public transit and creep people (mostly women) out, even after he has had the LA county Sheriff's speak to him about this type of behavior. So, our law enforcement can't do anything about this type of behavior... but we have people in prison for 30+ years on a marijuana possession charge. Seems like we have priorities in order.

Street Smarts vs. Book Smarts

"I am not book smart, but I am street smart." I hate this saying... mostly because I am a cynic and only hear: "I am not book smart, but I am not smart." Yes, I know that many people disagree with that... I don't care, unless you can give me an example of "street smart" that does not use Common Sense, Social Awareness/Aptitude, or Emotional cognizance as an example of "street smarts." I mean, what is "street smart" anyway? The ability to live on the street, if you needed to? If that is the case, then I would have to argue that many "book smart" people also possess this ability.

Fun "fact"*

The real definition of Street Smarts is rarely, if ever actually applicable to those that claim to have it. The term comes from Wall Street (often called 'the street' in NYC), during the Gilded Age. Back when Andrew Carnegie and John Rockefeller ruled the financial world. It was meant to describe those people that traded on Wall Street that were not Ivy League educated, but knew 'the street' in such a way that they still made money. Hence, "street smart." But this would mean, that they were still really rather bright and could understand how to analyze a security properly to determine its real/fair value. It also means they probably had at least a fair-to-middling ability at mathematics. So really, if you aren't "book smart" (educated) but you are ACTUALLY smart and have learned a trade/skill, then I will leave you alone about saying that. But if you use that line as an excuse for why you hate math or don't succeed in school... then you are not "street smart" either. In both cases (book and street) it implies the ability to learn when given the opportunity. So if you are "street smart" then you can become "book smart."

okay... I am done. Let the hate filled argument commence!

* I am not sure how factual it really is, there was very little vetting on my part. It sounds legitimate...

She sat on me...

You read that title correctly. I was sat on by a large, corpulent woman. She would have been refused a seat on an airplane. Seriously. But that didn't stop her from giving no warning and sitting "next" to me on the bus this morning.

My personal space issues aside, this was a 90 degree southern California morning. Her folds enveloped the right side of my body from shoulder to knee, like a thick blanket. *shiver*

Even worse, I know that she couldn't reach all parts of herself when bathing, because of the strange mixture of B.O. and deodorant. The entire 10 minute ride I could feel my gag reflex tickling the back of my throat.

But the straw that broke my proverbial back is this: when I attempted to squeeze myself closer to the window, she gave me an offended "how dare you" look, and huffed "how rude..." I couldn't take it, I just couldn't.

I responded, "Ma'am, you are excused for sitting on me. I know that it must be difficult for you to ride on public transportation, seeing as it is designed to accommodate people of only semi-rotund girth, and you quite obviously exceed that size. You are not however, excused for claiming that I am rude, when I am only seeking to extricate myself from beneath you. I am sure you are very aware of your situation and should know that it is a discourtesy to sit on a person without warning or apology."

My tone was... 'strained politeness' might be a slight exaggeration, but it was close. She gave me a look that said she would murder me and all my family if she could and then stared straight ahead the remainder of the ride.

All this took place while she sat on me. Goo.

back to misused/overly used words.

"Crisis" is a word that should be used in its proper time and place. Hurricane Katrina=Crisis, complete financial meltdown of Lehman bros.=Crisis, the current "state" of health-care in the US= troubling, but NOT a crisis.

This is not to say that we couldn't improve the system. I am simply trying to help people see that it isn't a crisis at this point. We don't have catastrophic casualties, and while costs are mounting, when they are seen with inflation they aren't "spiraling out of control." Frankly, if you want to improve the health system and lower your costs, just be healthier. Stop eating fast food, and get some exercise for crying out! Those two things alone could probably save you countless dollars...

If you want some more tips, just ask anyone other than a politician.

no more "one-uppers"

"So you are tired? you have a broken finger? you got a ticket today? you were late waking up? your dog died? well, I only got 2 hours of sleep, have a broken leg and a broken back, got TWO tickets and my license revoked, missed the train because my alarm didn't go off, and all of my pets died this morning."

Whenever I mention that I am any of those things or countless other maladies, there is inevitably some douche bag that has to "one-up" my complaint. I assume in an effort to comfort me. But, how does your complaint make me feel better? When my wife says she doesn't feel well, I respond with words of comfort and see if there is something I can do to help. Not tell her why I am feeling much worse.

Where did people get the stupid idea that a person shares a discomfort so that you can perform a "one-up"? It was shared because they are looking for you to remedy or at the very least comfort said issue.

Just GO!

Escalators were invented to speed up the flow of pedestrian traffic within high congestion areas, such as a mall. This is why the speed of an escalator is FASTER than the average person can go up a flight of stairs. On top of this, they are typically made wide enough that you can stand to one side and let others pass (unless you have one of the FREAKING irritating wheeled bags).

This means that escalators were not made to let your lazy butt sit there and impede the flow of traffic. You are effectively creating a bottleneck. Stop it. You are useless to our society. I know this, because you can't even walk up the escalator. A device that limits the number of steps you ACTUALLY have to use to get up to the next level of the building (attempting to improve efficiency). I know this, because without fail, you will be using a rolling bag (another device meant to improve efficiency), probably because you are too lazy to carry the briefcase yourself. I can make the statement that you don't contribute to our society in any meaningful way, because these two things show that you are so lackadaisical that you couldn't possibly perform any task assigned to you in an efficient manner.

I find my ire rising whenever I see your slow perambulations.

why can't people keep their holidays in Chronological order?

I do not hate Christmas! i love Christmas. i just don't like Christmas while i am working on a Halloween costume or preparing for another holiday. take them in order. as they come people!

I just want everyone to stop neglecting Thanksgiving. it is one of the best holidays by far! we get to binge and then pass out on the couch watching football while women go out and shop. could there be a more relaxing holiday ever conceived...? possibly, but it would be difficult.

while i am on the topic of holidays... why is it that last year the Christmas tree in Central park was changed to 'holiday tree'? i know they said it was to be politically correct... but that makes no sense. If you are celebrating Christmas, then you should be Christian. if you celebrate it and are not Christian then you should understand that it is a Christian holiday and hence the 'Christ' in the name of the celebration and calling the tree a Christmas Tree. changing the name like that is like telling people to call the Menorah the 'Holiday Menorah' to avoid offending others... wtf? you know? lets just leave it alone. if you celebrate a holiday that is not of your faith then realize it will have tenets that you do not espouse.

are you really that oblivious?

I hate the stupid rolling briefcases. seriously. what lazy sack of crap can't carry a brief case? how much stuff do you really need to take to work that you need a luggage suitcase to haul to work?

If you are a user of one of these completely obnoxious bags, here are a few pointers for your own safety. ignoring these pointers could result in me losing what little 'cool' i have.

if you are fat and you are wheeling this bag around cause you can't physically carry it. this is a sign that you need more exercise. go get it. being that large is NOT acceptable unless you have a glandular problem.

if you are using it because you don't want to ruin your posture or it is bad for you back to carry the bag on one shoulder. think that through. unless you are 5'2" the little extend-able handle is not long enough and you walk hunched over anyway. that, my mentally crippled friend, is far worse for your back!

lastly, if you still insist on using that Devil-spawn device, be aware of where it is. in a crowded train station or on an escalator they are REALLY in THE WAY! if i trip over just one more of them i will pick the damn thing up and throw it. (they aren't that heavy you see? i can throw the damn thing). it does not get to take the space of a person on the escalator. people on the left are trying to pass you, so move that bag out of the way.

fair warning....

ramblings of a discontent

i want to say that i am a huge believer in EQUALITY, but hate affirmative action. Supreme Court justice Thomas certainly thinks affirmative action is crap as well. (read just about anything he has authored).

we have so many people that receive undeserved position and power simply because of race, gender, or sexual orientation. "because they are entitled" to receive whatever it is. the problem is that they are not 'entitled' to crap. they need to earn it just like everyone else has to. (PLEASE note that i am not saying discrimination is acceptable. IT IS NOT.) we are beginning to see the development of a backlash. many people that have accomplished monumental achievements have then had them dismissed because it is assumed that they were 'given' the help or accomplishment as a 'beneficiary' of affirmative action. I even think that this is a part of the problem with Sarah Palin, she is defensive and says that people are sexist because they call into question her experience and credentials to be VP. maybe they are simply trying to determine if you fit the bill? maybe they want a QUALIFIED individual in charge of the country. and if you can prove to be that, then your gender has no bearing.

this little rant is my segue into Proposition 8 in California. it is the proposition that deals with marriage and how it is defined. at least that is what they have marketed it as. they say if this proposition is passed it will not allow gay marriage. if that is all that they were trying to do i would say 'can't vote for that.' as far as i am concerned everyone has the right to have half of their crap stolen in divorce proceedings. but it isn't about them being able to marry. it is about forcing their choice onto other people. i take issue with the part that will pass law that requires all churches to marry them, if they are asked to. that is forcing your beliefs and lifestyle on others that don't share that view. if you want to be married and the State says 'OK' and your pastor says 'no,' you should go get a civil union. you don't force your pastor to perform the marriage with threats of legal recourse. that is changing from equality to bigotry, just going the other way. the failure of the propostion also forces the teaching of homosexual sex as part of sex education in schools. The purpose of these programs is to promote abstinence if at all possible and to limit irresponsible sexual practices. i don't know about any of you, but they never told me how to 'do it' (i think most people are bright enough to figure that out), so we don't need to teach kids how to 'do it' differently.

equality, people, not reverse bigotry.

My moral dilema

so i got a speeding ticket this morning. at 5:55 AM. now here is the problem as the argument in my head went.

emotion: there are very few people on the road and i am going with traffic.

logic: you were still speeding at 12 mph over the posted limit.

emotion: i was passing someone! of course i am going faster when i am doing that.

logic: you were in the left lane because you always go faster than everyone else. it is your own fault.

emotion: plead for mercy, tell him you are new to CA! tell him you are scraping by! tell him your wife is pregnant and due in 3 months!

logic: you should have thought about all of that before you drove like an @$...

emotion: what is Kelly going to say?!?

logic: refer back to previous answer... dumb A$....

all this went on in my head as i waited to see if he was REALLY going to give me the ticket.... then i got the ticket... and saw the fine.

$265

logic: that is extortion if i ever saw it.

emotion: oh now you are on my side? it was our own fault before... but now... it is extortion.

logic: you are correct... but if i had known the ticket was THIS expensive... i may have considered driving better.

emotion: i have heard that before.

in all, i feel that Tuesdays are the sux.

why are there so many thieves in the world?

so i will begin this with a true story. when i married my wife she already had a car. it is a 2002 Jetta turbo. now those that have had the unfortunate opportunity to drive this heap of German crap (Nate) will attest to the fact that it is the most unresponsive car they have ever driven. it is like driving in Mario kart, the gas is on or off. there is no such thing as "easing the gas" it simply doesn't work. the brakes, likewise either scare the hell out of you or attempt to brake your neck with the clamping force.

now in addition to the unfortunate properties of this car, it is also a broken pile. in 6 months of marriage i have had to take it to be fixed 6 times. and the cheapest i have gotten out of there is $586.78 which really irritates me. this irritation is brought on by a few things.

one: i am really poor

two: it seems VERY improbable that the car would have to be brought in for the same complaint and have a different solution each time.

and three: the following conversation.

Me: so the car was in 9 days ago because the engine light was on and it cost me $600 dollars, why is it in again? and why does the car not work?

Richard (mechanic at the thieving Southtowne VW in South Jordan UT): well we don't check timing belts unless you ask us too.

Me: i am not a mechanic, that is why i pay you guys, if the engine has a problem i would imagine it would be ideal to check it all wouldn't it?

Richard (a really intelligent person... sorta): we don't check things like that.

Me: what sort of answer is that? why wouldn't you check the engine if i bring the car to you and ask you to check the engine?

Richard: the timing belt is not part of the engine

Me: huh?!? what are you talking about? will the engine run with out one?

Richard: no

Me: then i would say it is an integral part of the engine and should be checked.

Richard: a what part? we don't check that. anyway a timing belt is $500, plus labor.

Me: Richard i wasn't finished with our discussion, if you don't check that when i bring the car in for the engine. how come when i brought the car in last month for the brakes you guys found that my engine is misfiring and i needed to replace the manifold? why would you check the engine when i want the brakes fixed, but you don't check the engine when i want the engine fixed?

Richard:... i don't understand why you are upset

Me: and that speaks volumes. you are trying to rob me and my wife. you are dishonest and not even smart enough to hide it well.

Richard: are you calling me dishonest?

Me: was that an inflection at the end of that? are you asking me if i did? i thought my previous statement was rather explicit. what part was confusing to you? how can i help clarify? or maybe i should speak to your supervisor or manager?

Richard: i am the manager.

Me: that also speaks volumes... listen rich, or do you go by your more fitting nickname? i don't want you to touch that car. i will never pay you thieving bastards ever again. don't speak to my wife, just give her the keys and i will have a tow truck out there for her car in a few minutes.

Richard: she can't drive the car, it doesn't run.

Me: hence, the tow truck, genius! i mean what the hell? have you heard anything i have said to you? put my wife back on the phone!

(end)

I want to point out that this was all done in a rather calm voice because my wife said i can't yell at them.

so for future notice, never go to Southtown VW. they are not only dishonest. they are morons. how Richard was placed in a position of authority... it strains my ability to fathom...

un-professional? me?

so as many of you may know i have been interviewing at many different places to get the wife and myself an excellent job. (which i hope we have now found). however, at one of the interviews that i had, we had a uniquely interesting little dialogue, which i think needs to be shared.

Background: i am told that i have an interview at 2:30 in Provo. i work a normal schedule (8-5) in South Jordan (25-30 min drive form Provo). so to make this on time i very obviously have to leave my place of employment early.

when i arrived at 2:15, i am told that i can read the Wall Street journal while i wait. i already have read it. so i think to myself not a problem, it is only a few minutes. little did i know that i was about to enter a room, not for my expected interview, but to have a 2 hour introduction to the company. while i sat and tried very hard to be polite, my wife sent me a text message. that i did not check.

now after this presentation they began to lead us to another room. while moving to the next room i check the text and quickly respond. when i get into the interview room, they have the audacity to tell me that i was being "very un-professional." now, i know, that i should have thought a minute before responding, but i didn't. what resulted was ironic to me. i don't think i have ever been more arrogant in my entire life.

my response: i specifically waited until after your presentation and finished prior to reaching this room. if you feel that is un-professional, i apologize. however, now that you mention un-professional... i think it is un-professional to tell a candidate to arrive for an interview during the middle of a weekday, taking them from work, and then, instead of an interview forcing them to learn about your company.

them: it is very important that a person know about the company they are going to work for.

me: of course it is. that is why they should have looked all of this stuff up prior to an interview, if not before applying at all. if a professional has applied for a job and has not done this due diligence, then they are a bad candidate and should not be hired. so please do not waste more of my time.

them: you have a point... we are sorry.

now tell me that was not ironic? i was an arrogant, pompous, ass... and they offered me the job!

strange world, isn't it?

why can't they speak english?

any of you that know me, know that i am graduating from college this May. but in classic fashion for me, i have saved the crappy classes for last. that means all the managment classes.

so here i am sitting in Productions and Opperations Management and to my complete surprise i have an epiphany! every management class at the U of U is taught by someone that can't actually speak english. let me show you, these are all the mgt classes i have taken. i think you can see by looking at their names.

mgt 3440- Tariq Mughal
mgt 3620- Tariq Mughal
mgt 3660- Assay Manahaeh;fahjf;a;efha;
mgt 4260- Schael Barruch
mgt 3420- M. Hofeling
mgt 5700- Ming Piao

so why is it that we can't have someone that hasn't taken ESL? not that they are not intelligent, far from. they may arguably be the brightest people i have ever met... they just can't communicate well as a teacher. so why keep hiring them?

what is that smell... the elderly

so i have this friend of mine that mentioned that he is bothered by a certain smell. that smell is the elderly. at first i thought this was ridiculous, i mean the worst you can get with an old person is that "old lady perfume"... you all know what i am talking about too. that strange... not actually good smelling but not exactly nauseating smell. cloying is the word that comes to mind for me. this was the worst i thought of when i heard his complaint.

that was until now... i ran into an older lady that smelled like a hamster cage. we have all had the experience as children of having a hamster or two, usually as children. and because we were children we never cleaned the cage... so it lead to that horrible mixture of urine and cedar shavings...

this makes me wonder... who lets themselves get to the point that they smell this way and how do they ignore their own stench?