Made me think of Joseph Smith

So Remington had to go for a follow up with the Pediatric Cardiologist. Usually they need to put him under anesthesia, so that he will be still enough for the tests. We couldn't get him to take the medicine... so we just had me hold him. He just hung onto my hands and looked at me... and said "daddy, daddy, daddy..." BUT he held still for the whole test. What a sweet little boy I have!

Observations about my children

Two children. Both boys. TOTALLY different people:

• One blonde and large of stature (I call him big boned), the other so small that the doctors didn't even put him on the growth chart until he hit 18 months (now in the 1 percentile).
• One so independent that he never slept in our bed nor wanted to, the other so loving and cuddly that he will literally crawl into your lap at any time.

Two little boys that are most definitely brothers:

• The younger goes where ever the older goes... always!
• They have identical smiles, that are always there.
• They both eat sand and other... not so good things.
• they both have a fascination with fire (as a parent this scares me a bit)
• both love there mother more than life itself
• both view dad as a jungle gym that occasionally speaks.

Just need to remember these things before they get older and change more...

Starting to see...

I have started taking public transport to commute to work here in Houston... and I am seeing a trend from my time commuting in LA.  There are three types of people that take public transport, regardless of where you are taking it.

• Crazy people. Seriously, I think it is because they can't get a drivers license or something because there is an in-ordinate amount of nut-jobs.
• People like me - trying to save a bit of money and sanity by not driving in a large cities crap traffic. Generally trying to ignore everyone and mind own business by reading, ipod, etc.
• The person that MUST talk to whoever is near them and argue over inane pointless things that they know nothing about.

This last type of person has me irate this morning, because two days in a row I have been hassled by one.

Last night on the way home was the lady who knows more about Mormons than anyone, because she lived in SLC for all of 2 years (it is the only time she has lived away from Houston, TX). This has given her such a wealth of knowledge on the subject of Mormons, that an actual member of the church is told that I know nothing of my own faith and obviously have never interacted with "real Mormons" in Utah... never-mind the fact that I went to the University of Utah and lived in UT for a SIGNIFICANTLY longer period than her... ugh.

Then, this morning, another lady was informing everyone that even though traffic in Houston is bad, we can have comfort in the fact that LA is worse. Except she has admittedly never lived there... or anywhere other than Houston and Minneapolis. So how could she even base this opinion on anything other than hearsay? I tried to share my experience of 3 years of traffic in the very city she mentions letting her know that both cities are actually fairly comparable. The 405 and the Beltway and Loop are almost identical during high traffic time. I was told, "you aren't old enough to know bad traffic." What does my age have to do with it? 

People annoy me. I must be anti-social. *Sigh* I was trying so hard to be a nice person, but I may be too tired to do it.

Why TV sucks now...

So I haven't been watching TV for quite some time now... I watch Walking Dead (who doesn't?), but that has been done for months... So here comes fall and the new line-up. In anticipation of Walking Dead starting again in October, I thought I should give another show a chance. I watched Revolution - figuring that J.J. Abrams doesn't do crap shows - but I guess he made an exception.

Here is why: No consistencies in the MAIN PLOT POINT. I understand that many things in a tv show or movie will require a suspension of disbelief. Really, I do - I love fantasy and sci-fi, which require copious amounts.  BUT if the main plot point is that power disappears, and the first 5 minutes of the show explain that it is ALL power - EVEN CAR ENGINES - then you have to be consistent. If a combustion engine no longer works... than ALL chemical reactions have stopped. ESPECIALLY guns, digestion, fertilization, etc. OH! wait... that would mean everything stops. Everyone dies. Stopping power transfer with some sort of technology (which is what is alluded to in the show) would stop the electrons from moving through circuit/wiring. It would NOT be able to pick and choose what Chemical reaction will work and what will not. you can not choose to affect car and plane engines but let gun power work. that is just stupid.

think it though more.

Growing up...

I wanted to comment on my buddy Bags blog post, but my thought started to be too long for a comment. So I have put it here instead, as I am sure he will read it.

First, Bags, I admire that you are able to simply reset so many things in your life. You just are not that attached to things. That is a unique, amazing, and - quite frankly - dumbfounding attribute. Take that, keep it, and improve it. Share it with your friends. We need it.

Second, I like the metaphor you use of 52-card pick up. Life can and does seem very frustrating and repetitive in many ways. We have a choice to hate it and complain about it... or... we recognize it is a game and love to live our lives.  After our little get together this weekend and the conversations that we had, I think it is interesting that you feel this way about life. Not because you shouldn't feel that way, but that I feel that way as well. I have for years now. I described it to Kelly as juggling, but routinely dropping the balls... but having to pick them back up and do it again. Kel just said that is what life is and to stop complaining. That type of "advice" - while delivered with love - is not helpful to me.  It did however make me think of some great advice that I received when I was thinking of doing something silly (drop out of school). I got it in a letter, so I can give it to you word for word, but will inject your name.

"Dear [Bags],  I know that you have expressed a frustration with how slowing school is progressing and you think that you should strike out on your own.  You could, and I believe you would be successful. However, you should also remember that you are not as mature as you believe you are. You will likely never be as mature as you think you are until you have grandchildren. That is when you will begin to see how life really unfolded and how short this period of life truly is.  You see, Bags, maturity is many things. It is the ability to base a judgement on the big picture, the long haul. It means being able to resist the urge for immediate gratification and opt for the course of action that will pay off later. One characteristic of the young is 'I want it now.' Grown up people can wait. Remember what Albert Grey said: The secret of success of every man that has ever been successful, lies in the fact that he developed the habit of doing things that failures don't like to do."

I can see that you have developed many habits of doing things that failures don't like to do. One is taking risk. Another is starting again when those risks don't work out the way you thought they would. Keep the faith, you are doing amazing. From the point of view of someone that sees you about once a year... you are making far more progress than you think.

Heard this before?

"You can't put a price on a good education." or so they say... I would say that is just stupid. Of course you can. Otherwise we wouldn't have Ivy League schools. It is a stupid sentiment like that, which has resulted in massive amounts of student loan debt... which I think I last heard is in the trillions of dollars.

You know what else we used to hear? "House prices always go up." As most of my friends are just graduating or fairly recently graduated... I want to wish you all good luck. "C'mon, big money, big money, no whammy...STOP!"

Qualifications? at least some common sense, maybe?

You can't have an opinion if you are ignorant on the subject.

This woman is NOT qualified to speak on the subject of overpopulation.

So Michelle Duggar, thinks that there is no concern for overpopulation of the earth... because the entire world population of the earth can "fit" within the geographic boundaries of Jacksonville, FL. While there are many issues with this, lets start with where she gets that... I just have to check facts, cause that sounds like one of those "I just made up this statistic" sort of things.

So...

• Jacksonville, FL (she doesn't say FL, but I am giving her the benefit of the doubt) - According to the US Census bureau*, it happens to be the largest city by land area in the United States (at 874.3 sq. miles). That is a whopping 24 billion (and change) sq. feet!
• It made news that the 7 billionth person was born on October 31, 2011. So there is more than that now, but I will use that number.
• The split is roughly 51/49 female/male.
• The average male has shoulder width of 18.5" and female 15" with an average thickness at chest of 8" (I will be kind and assume no fat people). If you put all these people together as she suggests... they will take up 6.7 billion sq. feet (with some rounding) - assuming you cram them in shoulder to shoulder and chest to back.

Alright, I concede that you *could* fit everyone into that area.

But, is that really a means of determining overpopulation? Because, I thought it had to do with FEEDING all of those people. For that you need Arable land or Agricultural land.

• the average person needs 2000 calories a day to live, which means we will need a little more than 5.1 Quadrillion calories per year.
• there is roughly 18.8 million sq. miles of agricultural land in the world.
• there are about 670 calories in a lbs of rice and 1,430 calories in a lbs of wheat (I will assume we will use wheat - it requires too much land to get calories from any other source)
• A bushel of wheat weighs about 60 lbs.
• an Acre of land produces about 70 bushels.

That means we can produce only 50 trillion calories a year. Which is about 5 quadrillion shy of feeding us. So maybe there is an issue with world population?

I realize that this is a fairly simplified example of a very complex issue - but even this shows that Mrs. Duggar doesn't understand even the simplest of part of the issue.

... or maybe I just have too much time on my hands?

*"Largest U.S. Metropolitan Areas, 1990-2010," US Census Bureau, in World Almanac and Book of Facts 2012, p. 612.

Our biggest worry?

I was listening to a radio show this morning here in Houston that referenced some university study that found that more people in developed countries lose sleep over money than ANY OTHER issue. They went on to explain how we can try to deal with this by thinking positive thoughts about money and thinking about how to solve the money problems in our lives before bed...

My thoughts actually went a different direction: what is wrong with us that we are only concerned about this?

I have lost a great deal of sleep in the last few weeks, because my 7 month-old son needed a heart operation. I worry about my wife and children a lot more than money... and I have an MBA and worked in Private Equity (as the poor person that does all the leg work). You would think I would be more concerned with money...

I think the developed world needs to start thinking about what truly provides joy and happiness. Is it really something that can be purchased? Will a person's life become "complete" with that 80" flat screen? I think there is a fundamental flaw in our reasoning if we think that those... things... will provide joy. I think we have an addiction to material objects.

What do you all think?

Do women have different pituitary glands?

We just had our second son less than a week ago... Which means we don't sleep much.

But somehow no matter how groggy and beat up I feel when I have to get up with the baby, my wife is completely awake. She may not be chipper and happy, but she has all faculties up and firing on all cylinders. Whereas I spend the first ten to fifteen minutes trying to understand what is happening. I think this is because she has a malfunctioning pituitary gland that doesn't register what time of day/night it is. This is the only way a person can be "awake" when they are aroused from deep slumber at 3am. I am guessing it is a side effect of the pregnancy.

Cover Letters?

I have been applying for summer internships and am getting a wee bit tired of writing cover letters. To have a really good cover letter, they all have to be custom, so you can't use the same one over and over. I almost used the below letter out of sheer frustration, but then thought better of it. Wouldn't want to burn any bridges.

Sir/Madam:

You have asked me to provide a cover letter for my application to (company name). Said letter is meant to have the applicant show how the skills and knowledge they possess could be used - usually in respect to your company. However, the irony was not lost, as I read that one of the talents/skills that are desired in this position is a desire to do things "a new way" and to have a "keen understanding of new media," etc.

A cover letter is truly just an ancient trope that should have ceased at the advent of the new millennium (if not the early nineties). In this new age of computers and "new media" all they really do is restate what can be gleaned from the attached resume by a person of average intelligence. They are rarely read by a hiring manager and are generally just extra work.

Is the purpose of having the applicant write something enable the hiring manager to see if they are able to communicate? If this is the reason, I apologize, though this could easily be accomplished - with less annoyance on both sides - by having the candidate write a short essay on a subject related to the company or industry. If this is not the reason for the letter, I must assume it is to continue an obsolete institution for no other reason than: we always have.

Best Regards,

What do you think? Would it burn bridges or scale mountains?

Our imminent doom... and salvation

So I am the leader of a local Boy Scout troop. As part of Scouting you are supposed to live by the motto "be prepared." My boys were having a tough time of this, especially when it came to learning how to navigate by the stars and determining directions without a compass or GPS. They complained that they would always have a GPS so why have to learn these things?

So I asked what was the worst case scenario that they could think of.

One said being lost in the woods with a broken leg. (I had to embellish this, because that just isn't that bad...) I added that is was early spring and there is a mother bear with two cubs nearby as well.

One said having your boat sink in shark infested waters and no flotation device. (I added that they have a deep puncture wound in their thigh).

They listed a few other situations of lesser concern... Finally I was through. I asked the most important question EVER. "What about the Zombie Apocalypse?" Seriously, that got their undivided attention. They now go into every single situation and merit badge with the thought of how this will aid in the Zombie plague that is bound to happen eventually.

In that light, I thought I would share a great idea that I found floating (pun intended) around on the web. It could work and I bet this was thought of by a Boy Scout.

It must be a conspiracy...

I have noticed that whenever I am in need of NyQuil (aka "the greatest drug eva!") there is only a little left in the bottle. Not enough to actually let me sleep... just enough that I am left irate. Which means that I have to go and get some more. I never notice that I am almost out of ambrosia... I mean NyQuil... until I am sick and need it again.

Upon returning from the store, I believe I just discovered the reason. There is only enough in each bottle for about 4 or 5 nights of blissful rest. Roughly the number of nights you would have a cold bad enough that you can't sleep... They do that on purpose. I know they do.

Damn you, Vicks marketing group!

Can you believe that she has been with me for 30 years?

Tomorrow is our anniversary. Yeah, 3 years (though I swear that I am really old, so it must be more like 30, but 30 years of bliss!).

Who would have thought that my wife would be able to put up with my negative attitude for this long? I would say that 90% of everything I have to comment on is negative. It took her an entire year to realize that I am a jerk to everyone (except her). Another year to realize that I am cantankerous, ornery, and short tempered when I am hungry (30% of my day), tired (80% of the time these days), or don't get my football game on TV (1% of my life). Yet she remains steadfastly supportive and caring.

It never ceases to amaze me.

Honey, I love you! And I know that you are the perfect woman for me! Happy Anniversary!

Morning jog?

I hate running. I have NEVER felt that "runner's high" that people talk about. Though that could be because I have never gone much further than 2 miles... Instead I just feel tired out, sweaty, and cranky after I run. My knees hurt, my back hurts, and my hip hurts. Generally I am just a whiner after I run. And no one likes whining, so I try to avoid running.

However, running is good for you. You gotta get some exercise, right? So, I dragged my butt out of bed at 5:30 this morning and made my neighbor go run with me. In an effort to avoid aching joints I thought we should avoid pavement and go run some trails at Lick Creek park...

The problem: There was something following us. I am fairly certain it wasn't a cougar, they don't make noise when they are going to eat something. So, I think it was a hyena... or maybe a small tiger? Big dog? I don't know, it was dark, in the woods, before the sun was up, I was still sleepy. I don't know what it was. I do know that it was as tall as mid thigh (I am 5'10") made lots of noise as it ran through the undergrowth at us and scared the crap out of me (a razorback? they have those in Texas, right?).

My neighbor told me when we got back to the car that he was surprised that I was such a fast runner, considering how little I run. I just told him, as long as I am faster than him, whatever it was would eat him instead.

Texas Transition part 2: They are bigger

I know that they say everything is bigger in Texas, but that is not totally true. It is just that once you get down here, you realize that all of the bugs are HUGE. They are so large in fact that change the names once they reach a certain size. Like a roach is actually called a "waterbug" once it is large enough that you might not be able to kill it with a baseball bat (that is not a joke - scared the crap out of me when it tried to crawl away after I beat it). Now why it becomes a "waterbug" when it actually is just a big freaking cockroach - I don't know. But they are gross.

But the really terrifying things are the Field Spiders and Wolf Spiders here... That image above is about life size. The first one I saw was well and truly the size of my palm, she was on the back porch and I decided to name her Shelob (10 points to anyone that gets that joke). I thought she was large enough that I should domesticate her and keep her as a watch animal in the back. But beware they jump... and they are really fast... and I only had a wood spoon... and I had to put a bell on my child to make sure I would know when they have carried him off. Seriously though, there is nothing as creepy as having one of these behemoths crawl across your foot. Ugh! Also, please note that they are large enough that you DO feel it when they bite. It hurts.

So come on down to Texas and see the freaky wildlife.

The Texas Transition - part 1

So we are finally here in Texas. Moved in... with most of our stuff.

Here begins the chronicles of The Texas Transition!!!

Today, will share the move. We planned to have all of our stuff packed up and on its way to Tejas on July 5. It almost worked too, if it weren't for that pesky moving company (I am so glad I grew up with Scooby)!

So lets get the basics down. The company name is "Serenity Van Lines" and with a name like that you would expect... well, serenity. Instead, I got morons that can't do fifth grade math and who over promise and under deliver.

Marc was our sales guy. I told him, "I have a 10x13x9' storage unit that holds everything that I need moved. He says, "great, that will be $1,800." Then he sends me an email with this "quote" in it. I ask him when it will be delivered, and he says when do you need it. I tell him the 10th of July, he says will do. This is the last time I am allowed to speak to Marc. Apparently, from here on out, I only get to speak to Sarah - the one and only person that will answer the phone and who REFUSES to let you speak to anyone else.

The truck is supposed to arrive to load our stuff at 7am on the 5th of July. We here NOTHING from them, until 9am at which time they tell us they had a flat tire. (HMMM...) But they finally get there at 10am, but what is 3 hours between friends? When I open the storage door, he goes, "that is way more than I was told you had." Now if you are like me, you are wondering - how is that? I said that I had a 10x13x9' and this is a 10x13x9' unit... he then says, "I was told you have 640 cubic feet." This means that Marc somehow got 640cu/ft from the dimensions I gave him. Now I welcome anyone to figure out how you can get that number from those measurements (put it in the comments if you figure it out). Cause whenever I do it, I come up with 1170cu/ft, which is 2x what Marc got. Guess what the does to my "quote"? it destroys it! I ended up paying $3,750 to get my stuff on a truck and on its way to Texas.

Except it wasn't on its way to Texas. Not at all. We don't hear from them until we call them on July 9 to confirm that we will have our stuff the next day. We aren't very fond of sleeping on concrete floors after all. Sarah tells me wife that we wont get our stuff for 21 business days. My wife, tells her she will need to speak with me and hangs up (this is done while we are driving two cars across TX). I call, and ask Sarah why we wont have our stuff for a month? Sarah tells me that my wife is a liar and that she didn't tell her a month. I bite my tongue, because I am not too keen on people calling my wife a liar. I ask her what she DID tell my wife? she says, "21 business days." I can't help it. I ask her how many business days are in a week. She tells me not to take that tone with her. I tell her I would try not to, but that by any measurement, 21 business days is a month. Now back to when I will get my furniture? Sarah, has no idea, but they will call us 24 hours before it will arrive. Do you know where it is now? Sarah, huffs and then lets me know that it hasn't left California yet... GRRRRR!

To shorten this lengthy tale, we got our stuff 8 days after it was supposed to arrive. They had broken multiple items of furniture, and judging by how things have gone thus far, I do not anticipate getting reimbursed for any of it.

I hate Serenity Van Lines. They are liars, cheats, and scam artists. No one should ever use them.

Part 2 coming soon...

A good book... sorta...

I just finished reading "The Informers" by Bret Easton Ellis. First, it was hands down one of the most depressing books I have ever read. It left me so... disillusioned with the the human character. It makes me want to rage at the moral bankruptcy that is portrayed in the pages. I have never read a book so devoid of hopelessness! "Lord of the Flies" and "Frankenstein" have always been at the top of my list for books that display human nature in real detail... now I have to add this book.

While I found the later books to have a protagonist that gives a positive spin on human nature, "The Informers" leaves me with a feeling of udder hopelessness. There is no character in this book that is not completely hollow and empty. I feel huge amounts of sadness for these people, that have everything that money could ever provide - yet they have nothing of real meaning. And that is the precise reason that I feel this book has affected me. I recognize what is meaningful and productive in my life. I am immensely grateful that I randomly grabbed this book.

If any readers have read this, let me know what you thought as well.

Who is the bad parent here?

You see that AK-47? That is what the kid at the park pointed at my son. When I told that 3-4 year-old (I assume, since he couldn't string a complete sentence together) not to point guns at people, he then pointed it at me and pulled the trigger. I was NOT amused. I told him, if he pointed it at me or my son again, I would take it from him.

His parents decided that I had no business speaking to their son and came to "discuss" my "poor behavior." I explained, that I don't think a responsible parent would allow their young* child to have such realistic replica weapons. Moreover, as a gun owner, I feel that it is irresponsible to not teach children that guns are not toys - and as such, should NEVER be pointed at another person.**

They then told me that they don't believe in guns, and that this wouldn't be a problem if people weren't allowed to own firearms...

I almost threw a fit right there. What kind of bas-ackward, moronic logic is that? You "don't believe in guns," yet you give your 3-year-old a toy gun? My tirade just getting started, they interject, "it is only an air-soft gun, it can't kill people - like your guns." I just stopped. I don't even know what to say to that. I literally gathered up my son and left.

My wife says I can't go to the park alone anymore.

* boys will be boys, and make anything into a gun after about age 6. But if you decide to furnish toy guns, make sure they aren't real looking.

** unless of course you are planning on shooting that person, in which case I hope your child has developed enough moral reasoning to make such a decision.

Behold! the Dictator!

If any of you were wondering, this is how it all starts. He pulls people out of the chair, climbs up, and begins to tell you that it is his chair and that you can't sit there... I guess that settles the matter. He runs the house.

Warning: I think this is the grossest thing I have seen.

I have seen people pee on parked cars in LA, I have even seen them pee on the seats in the train, but nothing compares to the above picture. I have debated writing about this because 1) it is simply too gross, and 2) I am not sure anyone really would want to know this... However, after a brief discussion with a colleague, it was decided that I must have a picture to prove that this is not all made up.

In case you can't tell what that is, it is a plastic bag full of vomit. It has been left on the train platform for about two weeks now. I would guess that the reason it is still there, is because no one will touch it. Frankly, can you blame them? So it has sat there and slowly the knot at the top has come undone and it has begun to leak out over the pavement. To add to the disturbing nature of this (check your gag reflex!) the plastic bag has kept it from drying out. It is now a gelatin like consistency. *shudder*

Strangely, this only makes me wonder who did this? I mean, if you are feeling so sick that you can't make it to a garbage can, why didn't you toss your cookies in the gutter (not more than 3 feet away)? Or at least someplace that can be sprayed down with a hose? What if you were on the train and only had the plastic bag? That is all well and good, but why would you leave the bag on the platform, rather than throw it away (again, there is a trashcan not more than 10 feet away)?

What is wrong with some people?